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Sunday, March 7, 2010

Terrible twos and Tantrums

Not all people understands the toddler's behavior unless you are a mother or parent who watch your kids 24 hours a day. Some father don't understand why their toddler throw a fit or the idea of terrible two. Despite the term "the terrible twos," tantrums can start as early as 12 months and continue beyond age four. Jake is in this stage of Terrible Twos and tantrums behaviour. Jake has his reason why he throw a fit or tantrums but absolutely not because he wanted to hurt himself. He is just 23 months old or almost two rather and doesn't know how to control their anger and frustration. He got hurt that last episode its because he was playing with his Lego toys and when he got frustrated with his toys he went ballistic and hit his head at the edge of the Lego. Jake is always careful with some of the things he does such as climbing up and down the stairs and table, playing outside and more. But when kids is in the tantrum mode or have meltdown, just like older people the anger take over their mind.
Why Tantrums Happens; from What to Expect
Meltdowns occur for a variety of reasons. The most common include: an inability to express feelings and desires through words; the need to assert one's independence; feeling a lack of control; having either too few or too many limits; and hunger, fatigue, over stimulation, and boredom.

If you click on the link, you will find tips and ideas on how to handle terrible two's and how tantrums be avoided.
This video was one of Jake's tantrum moment when he woke up from his nap and he was hungry for his milk. Typical for toddler attitude is being impatient. Since he doesn't drink cold milk, we have to warm it up and that took few minute before he can have it.

Jake will turn 2 years old this coming Thursday and some of his attitude have change. We just got him a bed last Friday and he is moving to the next phase of is milestones. We did not encounter any problem shifting him to sleep in a bed. For the last 3 nights now, he had been sleeping straight in his bed at 8:00 in the evening and got up at 7:00 AM. He also take a nap at his bed. However, the terrible two's and tantrums won't change over night. He still going to throw a tantrums when he gets angry, hungry, frustrated, tired and more. If you keep reading some of the article I found online perhaps you would understand why toddler throw a tantrums and not so judgemental with their attitude.

Let me share this information I read at associatedcontent.com. This will help new mom and even other readers who are not Mom yet to understand about the subject.
Published June 27, 2007 by:
Heather Michelle

Understanding Toddler Tantrums and the Terrible Two's!
The average toddler experiences what is often referred to as "the terrible two's." This term is used because the majority of toddlers go through a rough period of time right around the age of
two where they become just a little more cranky and throw the occasional or not so occasional tantrum. Why do toddler's react this way right around this age?

This occurs mostly because at this young age, toddlers don't have all the words they need to express their feelings. It must be frustrating to have so many complex thoughts and emotions and not be able to share them with anyone. This becomes especially frustrating because a toddler still relies on other people for practically everything. A toddler may be hungry, thirsty, cold, hot, bored, or tired and this can all lead to a tantrum

Imagine that you are trying to speak with someone who speaks an entirely different language. It is going to be difficult to get your point across. It is going to be frustrating. You might throw your arms up in the air. You might swear. You have regressed to being a toddler.

As people get older, they become a little more jaded. Adults take certain things for granted. Adults don't take the time to wonder. Toddlers are exactly the opposite. They want to experience everything and name everything. They want to stare at the sky and watch the clouds. They want to roll around in the grass. They don't care if their new clothes get grass stains.

Then the adult intervenes. In this hectic world, we have little time to stop and let a toddler stare up into the sky. There is no time to let a toddler try to button her own sweater. So, we rush them. Then, they get frustrated. They want to take the time to enjoy every little bit of life. They want to learn to do things for themselves. When an adult tries to hurry a toddler along, it can create a major toddler tantrum.





You can actually find more informative and insightful topic in parenting discussed in their blog and website. So, check it out guys and you will learn more and have your questions be answered. Visit www.associatedcontent.com. I got these information from their site.

More interesting tips shared by groups of Mom. I only found this online and posting it on my blog would be the good way to share to the readers especially to the Mother and Father.

Originally published in the October 2008 issue of American Baby magazine

10 Ways to Tame Your Kid's Tantrums
The smart parent's guide to coping with your kid's fits.

"Meltdowns are terrible, nasty things, but they're a fact of childhood," says Ray Levy, PhD, a Dallas-based clinical psychologist

"Young kids -- namely those between the ages of 1 and 4 -- haven't developed good coping skills yet. They tend to just lose it instead." And what, exactly, sets them off to begin with? Every single tantrum, Levy says, results from one simple thing: not getting what they want. "For children between 1 and 2, tantrums often stem from trying to communicate a need -- more milk, a diaper change, that toy over there -- but not having the language skills to do it," says Levy. "They get frustrated when you don't respond to what they're 'saying' and throw a fit." For older toddlers, tantrums are more of a power struggle. "By the time kids are 3 or 4, they have grown more autonomous," Levy adds. "They're keenly aware of their needs and desires -- and want to assert them more. If you don't comply? Tantrum city."


So how can you stop these outbursts? What follows are 10 freak-out fixes that both parenting experts and other moms swear by.

1.Ignore the Kid- The reason this works is fascinating: "During a tantrum, your child is literally out of his mind. His emotions take over -- overriding the frontal cortex of the brain, the area that makes decisions and judgments," says Jay Hoecker, MD
2.Give Your Child Some Space - "Sometimes a kid just needs to get his anger out. So let him!" says Linda Pearson, a nurse practitioner
approach because it helps children learn how to vent in a nondestructive way. They're able to get their feelings out, pull themselves together, and regain self-control -- without engaging in a yelling match or battle of wills with you." This trick can work on its own or in tandem with the whole ignoring bit.

3. Create a Diversion
This is all about a deft mental switcheroo -- getting your kid engaged and interested in something else so she forgets about the meltdown she was just having. "My purse is filled with all sorts of distractions, like toys -- ones my kids haven't seen in a while, books, and yummy snacks," says Alisa Fitzgerald, a mom of two from Boxford, Massachusetts. Whenever a tantrum happens, she busts 'em out, one at a time, until something gets the kids' attention. "I've also found that distraction can help ward off a major meltdown before it happens, if you catch it in time," she adds. If your kid is about to go off the deep end at the supermarket because you won't buy the super-frosted sugar-bomb cereal, try quickly switching gears and enthusiastically saying something like, "Hey, we need some ice cream. Want to help me pick a flavor?" or "Ooh, check out the lobster tank over there!" Explains Levy: "Children have pretty short attention spans -- which means they're usually easy to divert. And it always helps if you sound really, really psyched when you do it. It gets their mind off the meltdown and on to the next thing that much faster." Fitzgerald agrees: "You have to channel your inner actress and be an entertainer -- one with props!"

4. Find Out What's Really Frustrating Your Kid

This trick is for tantrums among the under-2-and-a-half set, says Dr. Hoecker. "Children this age usually have a vocabulary of only about 50 words and can't link more than two together at a time. Their communication is limited, yet they have all these thoughts and wishes and needs to be met. When you don't get the message or misunderstand, they freak out to release their frustration." One solution, he says: sign language. Teaching your child how to sign a few key words -- such as more, food, milk, and tired -- can work wonders.


Another approach is to empathize with your kid, which helps take some of the edge off the tantrum, and then play detective. "My 22-month-old throws tantrums that can last up to -- yikes! -- 20 minutes," says Melanie Pelosi, a mom of three from West Windsor, New Jersey. "We've taught her some words in sign language, but if she wants something like a movie, she won't know how to ask for it -- and still freaks out. So I say, 'Show me what you want,' and then I see if she'll point to it. It's not always obvious, but with a little time and practice you begin to communicate better. If she points to her older brother, for example, that usually means that he's snatched something away from her, and I can ask him to give it back. I can't tell you how many awful, drawn-out meltdowns we've avoided this way!"

5. Hugs

"This may feel like the last thing you want to do when your kid is freaking out, but it really can help her settle down," Levy says. "I'm talking about a big, firm hug, not a supercuddly one. And don't say a word when you do it -- again, you'd just be entering into a futile battle of wills. Hugs make kids feel secure and let them know that you care about them, even if you don't agree with their behavior." Cartwright Holecko, of Neenah, Wisconsin, finds that it helps: "Sometimes I think they just need a safe place to get their emotions out."

6. Offer Food or Suggest a Little R&R

"Being tired and hungry are the two biggest tantrum triggers," says Levy. Physically, the kid is already on the brink, so it won't take much emotionally to send him over. "Parents often come to me wondering why their child is having daily meltdowns. And it turns out they're happening around the same time each day -- before lunch or naptime and in the early evening. It's no coincidence! My advice: feed them, water them, and let them veg -- whether that means putting them to bed or letting them watch a little TV." Think how cranky you get when you miss out on sleep or your blood sugar hits rock bottom, he says. With young kids, who have greater sleep and food needs, the effect is magnified tenfold.

7. Give Your Kid Incentive to Behave

Certain situations are trying for kids. Maybe it's sitting through a long meal at a restaurant or staying quiet in church. Whatever the hissy hot button, this is the trick: "It's about recognizing when you're asking a lot of your child and offering him a little preemptive bribe," Pearson says. "While you're on your way to the restaurant, for example, tell him, 'Alex, Mommy is asking you to sit and eat your dinner nicely tonight. I really think you can do it! And if you can behave, then when we get home I'll let you watch a video.'" For the record, Pearson says this kind of bribery is perfectly fine, as long as it's done on your terms and ahead of time -- not under duress in the middle of a tantrum. If your kid starts to lose it at any point, gently remind him about the "treat" you discussed. "It's amazing how this can instantly whip them back into shape," says Pearson.

8. Speak Calmly

This is a biggie -- and is much easier said than done. But experts insist you must keep your cool during a child's tantrum. "Otherwise, you'll get into a power struggle and make the whole thing escalate. Plus, part of the reason kids resort to tantrums is to get attention," Dr. Hoecker says. "They don't care if it's positive or negative attention they're getting. All they care about is that you're giving them 100 percent of it." Levy agrees, and adds: "Talking in a soothing voice shows your child that you're not going to let her behavior get to you. It also helps you stay relaxed -- when what you really want to do is yell right back. In fact, the calm tone is as much for the parent as the child! If you're tense, your kid will pick up on it, and it's going to amp her up even more."

9. Laugh It Off

Every parent dreads public tantrums, for obvious reasons. You worry other parents will think you're a bad mom -- that you've raised an out-of-control demon child. But that, says Kazdin, can tempt you to make choices that will only lead to more fits. "Kids, even very young ones, are smart," he says. "If you get angry or stressed or cave in and let him get his way just to end the meltdown before more people start staring, he'll learn that -- aha! -- it works." Your best bet, Kazdin says, is to suck it up, plaster a little Mona Lisa smile on your face, and pretend everything is just peachy. And what are others thinking? "We know from studies that the only thing people judge is your reaction to the meltdown," says Levy. "If you look calm and like you've got it under control -- yes, even though you're not doing anything to stop the fit -- they think, Now that's a good mom."

10. Get Out of There

Getting kids away from the scene of the tantrum can snap them out of it. "It's also a great strategy when you're out and about," says Levy. "If your child starts melting down over a toy or candy bar he wants, pick him up and take him either to a different area of the store or outside until he calms down. Changing the venue really can change the behavior."



All parents have their own way of taming their kids. They have their own technique, strategy in disciplining and handling their toddler. I respect your ways of raising your kids and i am sure nothing is wrong with it. As a new Mom I have my own way of raising my kids. And these articles about parenting that I read online would give me the idea of how to deal our kids better. We all have individual difference, so whets works for your kids might now works with my kids or other kids. Hope this topic that I share may help you understand my son's behavior because he is the bests and very good little boy I know no doubt about that. His attitude towards his sister is merely because of jealousy and sibling rivalry. But he is sweet most of the time with Justine. And the terrible twos and tantrum stage will go away soon. Like I said Jake is still a baby and it so happen that he got a little sister at his young age where he supposed to get the whole attention from both of us. Having said that, not all the time he gets jealous with Justine and he handles this situation pretty good. Some of the blogger who have been following my blog since I started can attest of how good Jake was until now. I am just being real with my post. I shared the good and the not so good part of our lives not just the good ones.

7 comments:

LIFE,MARRIAGE AND KIDS said...

katawa ko nag tanaw shy. naa pay pina kirig-kirig,lol.. but sus naka realize ko maldita ra gyud kayao si kaitlyn mag tantrum.tame raman tanawon si jake compara niya uy..

momgen said...

ehhehe si Chris di noon ingon ana when masuko pero na dako naman gud so manumbag oy sakit kaayo ako gyd siya bunalan or gakuson oy...

Cecile said...

tama nga, tsang kailangan we give them some space, too...parang adults din anoh?

si jacob din ganyan dati...i throw ang mga toys niya, minsan pinanonod ko na lang :-)

DebbieDana said...

This is a very good post...well informed sis, and I can relate to you so well. Daniel also is in his terrible twos stage although not really all the time, but he has his moments where it really makes me very frustrated. He also throws a fit when he couldn't get what he wants, and sometimes I call him rotten spoiled. My husband and I try to be very patient with him telling him what's right and what's not, we're very firm in disciplining him, but ofcourse we always let him know that Mommy and Daddy love him so much. Also, alot of times, when he's throwing a fit, I just completely ignore him and walk away, and it really works....And also, I have tried giving him a time out putting him in his bedroom and closing the door for about 5 minutes and it worked too. He ended up hugging and kissing me as if he was very sorry for being spoiled and hard headed. One thing that I do in dealing with him his to always praise him when he's at his best...I always catch him do good all the time too so I never fail to praise him and let him know that what he did is very good and that he's such a very good boy. I always ask him to give me "high five" or both of us clap our hands, or I say, " that's my boy!"....Trust me, children love that. Also, being a big brother to Dylan, he's amazing, he loves his baby brother so much, he's very protective, and never did anything to harm or hurt him which makes me and my husband very happy.

Naku sis, ang haba ng sinabi ko pasensya na....basta about kids kasi, same tau diba, same experience, kaya let's just share with each other... Nga pala, advance happy birthday to Jake!!!!! Kung magkalapit lang tau sana, hehe... Anyway, hugs and kisses to your adorable and cute kiddos! Ingat lagi sis.


Debbie :)

Dhemz said...

agoy g tukar nasad si kuya Jake...ehehhehe....mamuot ko ug tan-aw sa iyang video tsang kay usahay si Akesha mag in-ana pod na sya pag mag alburoto iyang day....ehehhehe!

sos ako kay ako man kusion kung d maminaw...kung sige pa gyapon ug kisi-kisi...a byaan woi...ahhaha...ako ra ignore....mag sorry nalang dayon na sya kay d man nako pansinon...ahhaha!

bitaw tsang, normal raman tawon ning in-ana woi...labi na kay laki si jake....mao naman jud ni bata...maau gani kay wa nag umpaka sa pita...ehhehe..parehas sa mga bata sa pinas ba...lol!

hala woi, mingaw tawon kaau among weekend bayot....sa balay ra tawon me na priso...duty ni goryo sa Airforce kada first weekend of the month....

maau pamo kay nag adto mo ug park..ako man unta dad-on si Akesha sa park...na tapulan man ko woi...ahahahha! daghan excuses....lol!

hala sige tsang mag blog hop sako kay absent ko atong weekend sa atong mga ka tribo...mag wara wara sako kay lau pa akong byahe....

kisses sa mga pispis...mwah!

♥Willa♥ said...

thanks for this topic, another great reminder for me NOT TO HAVE A BABY anymore, lol!

Chris said...

its really difficult when our kids have tantrums... my toby is now 3 but sometimes, he still does things and acts as if he doesnt understand that he is hurting others..

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